And Maybe I want you to show me that you still care

And maybe I need to know that you miss me every second I am away

And maybe I am just a small chapter in your life

And maybe I am pushing you too hard

And maybe I am craving for your love

And maybe I am jealous of the people who get to see you every day

And maybe I want so much more from you

And maybe I am scared to ask

And maybe I don’t deserve more than few minutes of your time

And maybe … just maybe I still hope that I will mean more for you than I could have ever imagined

And maybe I want you to start a conversation with me

And maybe I am waiting for a sign from you to know that you still at least care

And maybe I will think of you more than you think of me

And maybe I will be sad leaving you

And maybe … just maybe you will be sad too when you see me leave with no plans to return

And maybe life has a plan for us and maybe not

And maybe this is all we get from this life, just a few days of pure happiness

And maybe this happiness will come back in another form

And maybe I will not be the reason you smile and laugh again

And maybe one day I will be fine, knowing that some other woman is making you complete

And maybe that day I will wish to be in that woman shoes

And maybe I will want to stay a little longer and hug a little harder

And maybe I dream a little too much, care more than I should and wish for unattainable things

And maybe you are not the one for me

And maybe “Us” will be true for few days only

And maybe I will never see you again in this life

And maybe I will just stay as a sweet memory for you

And maybe this memory will slowly fade away with time

And maybe you will remember me one day with a smile on your face

And maybe I don’t want to be your everything

And maybe that is the reason we met, to create memories, memories that will fade away with time…

 

 

 

اتركني طير و عليّ
اتركني اوقع وصليّ

 

اتركني روح لبعيد كتير

اتركني إرجع على ركبي

 

اتركني عم خاف وابكي

اتركني بحالي عام إكتشف روحي

 

اتركني برداني وحزينة

اتركني بركة بكرة بصير عندي حيلة

 

اتركن مبسوطة عم دخّن

اتركني بركة بكرة بيخلص عمري

 

اتركني اتفرج عليك

اتركني دوب بعينيك

 

اتركني عم حبك ومغرومة

…انشالله شي نهار 

The Savior gives, the Savior takes

You left too soon, you left too young

The Savior called your name and his angels came to take you

My cousin, brother, best friend, you left too soon

 In my dreams, you still visit

In my mind you are still alive and in my heart you will stay forever and always

 The Savior wanted you by his side

Who am I to question his will, my friend you left us too young

 Life is tasteless without you, our laughs are muffled, and our smiles are fading

I am breathless when I hear your name and I cannot stand the memories anymore

 There is no life without you by my side

My brother you left us too soon

In my memory you are still breathing and for that I can still get up every day

I dream of the day we meet again, my angel, I live for the hope that we will meet again

Sitting with you, I talk, I talk a lot. I talk mostly about my dad. I talk a lot, maybe too much about my dad. I do not mention my mom in any of my stories and in the rare occasions that I do, she comes out as the bad guy in the story for some reason.

Sitting with you, I talk and keep talking. And in the middle of my endless stories I realized that I might have found the cure. I found the cure for my unhealthy attachment and my dysfunctional relationship with my father.

The cure would be to get rid of him from myself, to let him disappear when I look at myself in the mirror. And then I would be able to see myself and find myself again.

I have to do something radical; a drastic action should be taken. And it is not about cutting my hair very short so my dad can see me as his son. I don’t want to be the man anymore. I want to do something that I never thought I would do. 

Je pensais à toi Aujourd’hui

Mais c’est rien de nouveau

 

Je pensais à toi hier

Mais c’est pas affreux

 

Je penserais à toi demain aussi

Mais j’aurais pas les larmes aux yeux

 

Je pense à toi tous les jours

Et j’ai le coeur mélancolique

 

Je penserais à toi pour toujours

Et je me sentirais désabusée

 

Je te cherche tous les jours

Et je resterais toujours nostalgique

 

Je ne peux plus te voir quand je veux

Et alors pour toujours, comme tous les jours je suis deprimée

Sometimes I dream of you and I get scared

Sometimes I think that maybe things could go right for once in my life

And some other times, it all gets so complicated in my head and I feel like backing out before I get so deep in

Then some time I feel like I am already in too deep and the way out will be painful

And at night I get terrified at the thought of letting you in to my world

And sometime just for a brief second, I dream, I dream of a happily ever after with you

But most of the time, the reality, my reality hits me, it wakes me up and drives me out of thoughts and all the happy feelings gets vanished, when I remember, I remember that you will never be mine 

He pulled her a little closer to him and she fit perfectly in his arms. She loved listening to the melody of his heartbeat, it made her feel alive. He looked at her with dreamy eyes and she fell a little more for him.

She never thought she could ever get lost, but she was never to be found in his big onyx eyes. He surprised her every day with his kindness and thoughtfulness and she got a little attached with every action.

She could never admit how bad she aches to get inside his mind and listens to the whispers of his thoughts. He did not have the world to offer her but she loved the world when she was with him.

She let her guard down slowly and allowed him to discover her messy soul. He whispered the sweetest emotions in her ears and she felt them in her heart. He kissed her lips, held her hand, awakened her spirit, made her laugh, and left her speechless and breathless.

She was terrified to death to trust again but she couldn’t help it, she was falling for him really fast and all she hoped for is that he will be ready to catch her. 

As the sun sacrifices itself to the moon at every dawn, sacrifice yourself to me

As  a teardrop surrender it’s all to relieve its holder, give yourself to me

As an artist pours himself into his art, pour yourself to me

As the snow melt at the end of winter for the flowers to grow, melt and grow for me

As a candle transforms to lighten the place, transform and light up for me

As a mother gives her all for her children, give yourself to me

As an addict who suffers without his drug, suffer to be with me

As a tumor invade a body and kills slowly, die for me

As Jesus died to give life to the world, live for me 

If I have nothing tonight, it is enough for me to know that I pass through your mind from time to time

If I have nothing at all tonight it’s enough for me the memories I had with you

If there’s nothing waiting for me tonight, it’s enough for me the smiles I got from you once upon a time

If I have no one to hold tonight, it’s enough for me to remember the sparkle in your eyes to shine upon me

If I have to die tonight from the loneliness in my heart, it’s enough for me to know that you were once happy by my side

If my broken heart kills me tonight, it’s enough for me to know that I was once loved and that I have given my heart away to the most wonderful people I knew

I am what people fear the most, day in and day out, I keep them restless.

They think of me and wonder, they think of me and get happy, excited, and ecstatic. They think of me and get chills in their spines from the fear of what I might be preparing for them.

I am what people ask for; they look for me, want me and need me to help them.

They think of me and laugh from the indifference they want to prove when they don’t even have a single shred of hope left. They think of me and weep, begging me to be nice just one more time, one last time, until they are ready, until they figure things out. But I am no merciful God!

I am everywhere and yet I cannot come sooner for those who are waiting, waiting hopelessly and aimlessly for the unknown.

They think about me, replay every possible scenario in their heads but I am the unpredictability. I am the storm and the breeze, the high and the low, the peek and the abyss.

I am coming soon and you’d better be prepared for what is waiting for you.

You will think of me at the end of your day, you cannot ignore me for too long for you are human. I will creep into your thoughts late at night and you will try to tame me, try to get me on your side.

And just like the smaller kid in the playground, like the geek trying to fit in, you will be bullied and I will make you wish your death. I will steal your sleep, thoughts, hope and faith in anything you want to believe in.  For I am tomorrow and I shall be your tumor.